Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad Impressions [XBOX360]

Onechanbara is not a game for the squeamish. Not because it's a zombie game or that there's enough gore and blood here to satisfy the most disillusioned House of the Dead fan, but because this game will make your eyes bleed and lose faith in all Japanese imports for years to come.

A little bit of a history lesson: Onechanbara is the latest in about seven Japan only "Onechanbara" games (I say about since there are cell phone versions as well). This iteration of Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad is the first (and hopefully the last) North American release for the Xbox 360. A similar game has been released for the Wii also which features waggle. Developer D3 is responsible for the release of these games in its Simple2000 series for the PlayStation 2. Simple2000 is the budget title line similar to North America's Greatest Hits as Simple2000 games are only 2000 Yen (get it? Clever!)

This is a game that should NEVER have come over to North America. I won't hide my disdain for this game, it is possibly the worst thing I've played in a very long time. The reason this is not classified as a "review" is that I did not have the resolve to finish this title all the way through. But I did put in a good five hours which warrants final impressions.

There are so many things that are wrong with this game but lets start with the story. There is none. Granted that most players are not interested in this game for its story but when a game such as Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball has more of a story, you're in trouble. The premise of the story line is that two sisters are cursed with the Baneful Blood, a curse that causes them to be overcome with rage when they get covered in blood. These two sisters are on the run from an "organization" that's trying to study the curse and exploit it. Thus begins the tale of Onechanbara and as you continue you find out more and more of the diabolical plans of the "organization". This version of the game seems to pick up where the previous titles left off but fail to introduce the past events except for a poorly written English scrolling text with Japanese voice-over, which basically leaves players confused.

There really isn't any cohesive ties to each chapter as you are simply thrown into the first chapter with a simple cut-scene (more on that later) where you see that downtown Tokyo is being attacked by zombies. As you progress through each stage, you are sometimes given short additional cut-scenes showing glimpses of the back-story. And in all honesty, it doesn't add anything to the overall experience nor does it give you a reason to continue to play on.

Speaking of cut-scenes, these are reminiscent of projects that we did in first year 3D graphics design. The textures are stiff and the character models look as if they were ripped from a Barbie Adventures game. The cinematic are plagued with poor design, horrendous camera direction, and very low detail. There was one point where the camera follows a walking path through your apartment. The doors and walls were simple blocks with less detail than the simple 3D architectural home design programs you can buy from BestBuy for $19.99! You would find more detail in Sims 2 cut-scenes than Onechanbara.

If you're thinking that the low resolution textures and the lack of detailed environments means faster load times, you would be sorely mistaken. There are loading screens for EVERYTHING! From going into a new area, to fighting a new boss, to loading before and after a cut-scene. The one saving grace is that there's a mini-game to play while the game is loading. Now if only they made that mini-game a free downloadable XBLA title, it might make this game worth it.

There are only two reasons anyone would be interested in this game: the bikini's and the mindless hack and slash. But be warned, the game-play does not save this title. You progress through each stage in a linear fashion and you enter "rooms" where you must defeat all enemies prior to leaving said "room". These are not truly rooms as they are usually just a square area of space that once you step in, a fake bamboo fence pops up to stop you from advancing. This is game design 101. However, you would think that in such a linear game, it would be a breeze to navigate. You would be wrong. I can't tell you how many times I got lost trying to find that flashing exclamation point on the mini-map or running into an invisible wall only to be told that this isn't open yet and that I need to find a key.

The game does not offer you ANY direction in either how to find keys, where you need to go next, or what the objectives of the levels are. Only by you running around will you figure out what you might need and there's a good chance you might miss the necessary mob to obtain that special key, which means you have to waste time killing everything in sight.

You are able to play the game in co-op but only locally and not on all levels. I did not play this game with a friend (I'm not that cruel) so I can't comment on the actual mechanics of the co-op play but during single player, you can switch between both sisters on the fly. Both Aya (the older sister), and Saki (the younger sister - in school girl outfit of course) control in a similar manner. A third character, Anna, joins the group early on who uses guns as her primary weapon.

Controls are relatively simple where each face button is mapped to a specific attack. Your character can throw daggers, jump, slash, and kick. There is also a meter next to your character's health that's in the shape of a Katana. Apparently, if this Katana fills up, you need to fling your sword to clean off the blood (that's what's apparently filling up the meter) because if you don't your sword is less effective and may get stuck in a zombie (WTF?) This wasn't ever communicated to the player and doesn't serve any purpose that I could see other than to artificially force players to manage another mechanic.

The camera is also very awkward and often times you find yourself turned completely around and have no idea where the next zombie is because they have been turned "invisible" but the camera angle. Honestly, for those that complain about Resident Evil's camera system, have a go with Onechanbara. This makes RE's camera feel like a Porsche.

To satisfy fans of bikini girls, D3 graciously included a dress up portion to the game. You can change each character's outfits so if you're ever tired of staring at lingerie and cowboy hats, there are many other options. But the complete lack of direction also appears here. No where does the game tell you what you have to do to unlock certain costumes.

Where I'm Coming From: I have played lots of action games and love a good hack and slash and I'm not offended by fan-service either. I've been a fan of Anime for a long time and will always give Japanese ports a try, regardless of the reviews. But this game seriously made me want to take the disk and burn it. The publisher's lack of respect in both the art form and its audience is very obvious.

What I Compared it to: Games like these are very similar to Dynasty Warriors or any KOEI slasher games. Imagine a House of the Dead third person action game and you pretty much get the point. But even with the repetitive nature of the KOEI games, you are always rewarded with a sense of direction and simple mindless fun. Onechanbara just isn't fun at all and instead of making you feel invincible, this game's repetitiveness quickly becomes a chore.

What I Liked: I do like that there's a dress-up component to the game because that half the reason why someone would buy this. I do also like that you can change characters on the fly, without the need to go back into a menu. The loading screen mini-game was a nice touch and is completely mindless but reminded me of older games when this was common place.

What I Didn't Like: From the graphics, story line, presentation and technical issues, it's extremely difficult to find anything to like about this game. Even as a budget title or a free rental, it will serve as nothing more than to satisfy your curiosity about this ridiculous Japanese port.

Value: This game does not deserve your hard earned dollars. D3 should not be encouraged to continue to make these games. And if you're really into Anime girl action, go visit your local Anime store and rent something (or ask FatYoshi, he'll hook you up!) If you are looking for a dress up and item collection game, play DOA Xtreme Volleyball. Even the original Xbox version has better looking models than this with more customization and a fun volleyball game to boot. And if you're really inclined to play this, give it a rent, even at $30 this is not worth a purchase. There is no online co-op but there is limited local co-op that does little to extend the life of the game.

Final Word: Horrible game and completely unnecessary. This is a game that should be avoided at all cost.

Comments

[tgtwebcomics]

I would put this game along side of Ninety Nine Nights which was my first ever game that I bought for the 360 because an EB Games employee recommended it... I suffered through that game not once... but twice and I still couldn't get 1000 score on it... Button mashing extreme. Characters I didn't care about, weapon upgrades that were difficult to find...

I since actually worked at the same EB Games and never let that employee live down my purchase of that.. although he did redeem himself for BioShock and Saint's Row...

[Nguy]

99 Nights was a better game than this. That was more of a Dynasty Warriors clone than anything else. This one didn't even try hard. It was a budget title, created by students, billed as full featured, and marketed to adolescent boys.

As you can see I really didn't like this game and wished I had my 4 hours back. I couldn't even make through the first level again under my real gamertag to get achievements since I played a review build the first time around.

But I'm sure there are others that will disagree with me (Daemon Hatfield of IGN scored the Wii version 6.5/10) but really, there are better games out there than wasting your time with this piece of turd.